


Best Friends Are Forever

by rhealuc



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Reader-Insert, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force, smol baby ben
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2017-07-18
Packaged: 2018-05-17 22:12:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5887267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhealuc/pseuds/rhealuc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're a dead man's daughter, raised by Luke Skywalker, now becoming a Jedi. While in Luke's new program to recreate the Jedi Order, you meet a young girl named Tethe'Alla and a boy named Ben Solo. Training is hard, and even painful at times, but you keep pushing until that day where you could be called a Jedi Master. At least, that's what you hope will happen. This life style is not always for the faint of heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. episode i

There were seven. A group of children barely out of their utopian fantasies, coaxed from their mothers to join a league long since forgotten, wiped from memory and from the history books by a dark man. None of you knew of this man yet, but eventually, you would. Some of you would recognise him as an evil sith long since forgotten in time, while one, perhaps, would go further-- seeing this lost power of the dark side as something much greater.

You didn’t remember your parents too well. Yes, you could see their faces in your memories, but you did not remember  _ them _ . Your mother was like a ghost in your mind, fading rapidly with each passing day, while your father remained a constant glow. You could not forget your father. Windom Starkiller was his name, but he was more commonly known as Windy, especially by Luke Skywalker, his best friend. 

You couldn’t remember why, exactly, but a while after your mother passed, your father got himself into some deadly trouble. He hadn’t wanted you to get caught in the crossfire, so Windy had left you with Luke, explaining that one day, he’d return for you. He hadn’t ever come back to get you.

When Luke decided to recreate the Jedi Order, you were the first official padawan before he started recruiting. Eventually, six other children arrived in a starship, ready to join you on Almar, an almost empty forested planet on the outer rim, to become Jedi.

* * *

 

“Hello,” You said, your usual shrill soprano of a voice taken down in volume as you approached a boy who seemed rather shrunk in himself. “I’m _____ Starkiller.”

The other child seemed honestly sure that you’d been speaking to somebody behind him, turning over his shoulder to look, only to see the space empty. He looked back to you, eyes wide, medium dark hair covering half of his face.

“Hello.” He replied, his voice almost silent, so much so that you had to lean in to hear him.

When you realised he wasn’t going to just give out his name, you pressed, taking a small child-sized step toward him. “What’s your name?”

“Ben…” 

You giggled, “Luke has a nephew named Ben, you know.”

The other boy smirked slightly, still cowering into himself, though, as if you were some enemy trying to harm him. “That would actually be me.” He didn’t seem too excited.

“Really? You’re Luke Skywalker’s nephew?”

“Oh, that’s nothing. I’m Darth Vader’s grandson too.” He added, gaining more confidence in his speech and body.

“Who’s  _ Darth Vader _ ?” You asked, eyebrows furrowed as you made sure you said the name correctly. Ben was about to continue speaking, but your mind had already wandered elsewhere, piecing together information you found more interesting than this ‘Darth Vader’. “Okay, wait,” You huffed. “If you’re Luke’s nephew… that would make Anakin Skywalker your grandfather?” Your little eyes widened at the realisation. Luke had told you countless stories about Anakin. He was your hero.

Ben’s expression fell for a moment, as if he was disappointed that you hadn’t let him finish talking about that one guy whose name you’d forgotten already, but when you mentioned Anakin, his face lit up once more.

“Yeah, that’s my grandpa!”

“Oh my God, that is so awesome!” You squealed surprisingly loud for your seven year old body. “Anakin was one of the greatest Jedis ever! He rescued an important guy from the Dark side and, and, he was in the Clone Wars, and, and h-he was the youngest person to ever be on the Jedi Council!” You had begun to ramble, letting the words spill out of your mouth, some of which stumbled over your tongue as you spoke. You were breathless by the end. “And you’re his  _ grandson _ . Did you ever meet him?” Your eyes were so full of hope.

Ben shook his head. “No… He died before I was even born.” His face fell once again. The boy had always been disappointed that he’d never met the great Anakin Skywalker.

“I-I’m sorry.” A pang of guilt washed over you, like you’d broken something fragile and you didn’t know how to fix it. When Ben didn’t respond, your short attention span got the better of you, and you leapt right back into conversation. “So, you know all about the Force, right?”

* * *

 

Ben Solo hadn’t been the only friend you’d made among the other children in the first few years. There was a girl you’d grown quite fond of named Tethe’Alla. She was from D’Qar in the Ileenium system, and she was even more quiet than Ben! Though, you had to admit, Ben had opened up to you rather quickly, and he was not at all quiet with you. You and the other children and gotten to calling her Teth for short, and eventually, it even stuck with Master Luke.

It had been difficult for you to add that ‘Master’ in front of his name after being raised by him for so many years, but you’d gotten the hang of it. Apparently, Ben had never met Luke before the Jedi program because he lived so far away and never had the chance to visit. Nonetheless, the pair of you were both extremely close to the Jedi.

“Luke, I think you should separate the two of them.” Master Rolk, another Jedi master Luke had discovered hiding out in a system nearby and convinced to join his cause, said. “They’re getting too close to one another.”

“Are you suggesting their friendship would have a negative effect on them?” Luke responded, watching you and Ben play with sticks in the courtyard not far away. It’d been four years since he’d started training the pair of you. You’d been eleven for a couple of months, and Ben’s twelfth birthday was in a few weeks.

“Possibly.”

Luke tilted his head to the side, his eyes never leaving you as he contemplated the words he was about to say. “I would have to disagree. I think this particular friendship will be one of the best things that will ever happen to either of them.”

“Have you seen something, Luke?” Rolk pressed, wondering if the other master had predicted something of the future.

“No, it’s just a feeling.”

* * *

 

You were sleeping. Yes, indeed, you had been sleeping. But, now, something--someone--was prodding at your arm. Groaning, you attempted weakly to swat them away, but the poking did not cease. 

“Hey,” The voice was deep and low, barely above a whisper. “_____, wake up.”

“Ben, I am sleeping.”

You heard him chuckle, and a flutter of what could only be described as butterflies began in your chest. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Why would you have a surprise for me?” You grumbled, rolling over in your bed to face his direction while keeping your eyes shut.

“Because it’s a special d--” He began, and that’s when it hit you.

“It’s my birthday!” You screeched, all remnants of sleep wiped from your mind as you leapt from your bed. You almost slid when you got your feet on the slick wood floor due to your habit of wearing fuzzy socks to bed, but Ben was there to catch you. You were both grinning like fools.

“Yeah, you’re finally seventeen, shortie.” Ben snickered, leading you down the hall to the living room of your apartment. 

“I am not short.” You huffed, stalking after him before plopping down on the couch that was against the far wall. “What’s this surprise?” You hummed, watching him.

He was nervous, to say the least. What if you didn’t like the gift? What if he’d spent all that time making it only for you to find it not to your preference? Ben shifted around to face you, and eventually made his way over. He was awkward with his movements, taking a strangely long time to seat himself on the cushion beside you. He didn’t even bother saying a word before revealing a small box covered in black velvet. You eyed it carefully, watching with interest as he opened it to reveal a beautiful necklace. The band itself was a small chain of silver, and its centerpiece was an expertly cut  Poudretteite, your favourite gemstone.

“Oh my God, Ben.” Your hands went to cover your mouth, and you found yourself speechless for a few heartbeats.

The young man beside you shuffled, unsure if you were happy or unhappy. He hated the feeling that crawled up his spine. That cool shiver that felt like it didn’t belong, like something was telling him to forget it all and leave. He wanted to dismiss the feeling for good, but for now, putting it into the back corners of his mind would have to suffice. It wasn’t until your arms flew around him in a tight embrace that he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“I love it.” You breathed into his shirt before pulling away. “Can you help me put it on?”

Ben nodded, motioning for you to turn away from him. You did as you were bid and shivered softly when he draped the chilly metal on your skin and clicked the necklace on at the nape of your neck.

You turned back around, searching his eyes for a reaction.

“You’re beautiful.” He mumbled, all previous thoughts having left his thoughts completely.

Your eyes grew wide and you looked to your lap. A shallow blush somehow made its way to your cheeks as well as to Ben’s.

“Ben…” You hummed, an idea forming in your mind as you bit your bottom lip gently.

“Yes?”

“Let’s have dinner tonight… Like a date or something?” You shrugged the idea out, trying to convince not only him that if he rejected, you wouldn’t be upset.

“A date?” He took in a sharp breath, there was that thought again. That fear of commitment. Was he ready for this? A  _ date  _ was a big thing. For him, at least. It took everything he had to shove the incredulous bickering in his head away.

“I mean, if you don’t want to, that’s fine.” You quickly sputtered out. You stood up, trying to escape the uncomfortable feeling that crawled like an insect up your spine.

Ben followed. “No, I mean, I do. I will,” He hated himself for this. You’d probably think he wasn’t going to come back. “But Luke wanted to see me today. I’ll be here at eight, okay?”

* * *

 

The room was dimly lit, like a sweetly cool evening sky, fanned by the last words of the sun. It smelt of sweet cinnamon, a smell with which Ben now immediately associated with you. He could always smell the enticing spice in the air when you passed by or when he held you in his embrace. It was like a drug, a pure breath of nicotine to his easily addicted mind.

The meal, or snack, of various fruits started off in an awkward adolescent silence. Your thoughts zipped back to the conversation you had with Ben earlier that day, and how you’d made a complete fool of yourself. You were surprised that he even came tonight, to your “date”.

You picked up your fork and knife, the cold metal sending a chill up your arm, and went to cut into the delectable looking pear that sat idly on the plate before you. You were shocked, though, to say the least, when the fruit wiggled and slowly floated off of your platter and made its way to hover in front of Ben. His hand was up in front him, long fingers twinkling about softly, and a knowing smirk played across his lips.

His smile was contagious, and it wasn’t long before you had a grin on your face as well. You watched as he used to force to place the pear on his own plate before cutting a small chunk out of it. You thought he was going to eat it, but instead, it hovered right back over the table to you where you expertly caught it on the end of your fork. Your gaze never left Ben’s as you took a bite, a small giggle escaping your lips at the taste. It was amazing; probably one of the best you’d ever eaten, and you couldn’t help but imagine that it was because Ben had been the one to give it to you.

“When did you learn to do that?” You mumbled through your grin and between bites. “Luke hasn’t showed us how to use the force yet.”

And there was that smirk again. But this time, there was something off about it. Something darker. “I taught myself.”

You attempted to lighten the atmosphere that had just fallen twenty shades into black. “Maybe you could teach me sometime.”

“Perhaps.” Was all he said for a moment. “Would you like some mango next?” He added in, and you couldn’t even fit in your answer before a slice of the juicy fruit was making it’s way through the air toward you and a light giggle found its way to your lips.

You couldn’t help yourself around Ben, and the rest of the night was filled with laughter and jokes. You tried to deny it the next morning, but you knew that you hadn’t been able to keep your eyes off of that wavy chocolate hair and those gorgeous coffee eyes.

* * *

 

A few days later was a Wednesday, and this particular Wednesday was an extremely exhausting one. You had woken up far too early, unable to coax yourself back to sleep, and you’d stumbled your way to lessons a few hours later. The bright sun only made the newborn headache in your mind grow that much faster.

Luke had been the first to notice, waving you down before you even reached your fellow padawans. You were surprised he hadn’t confronted you earlier, the pair of you  _ did  _ in fact live next door to one another in the apartment townhouses. 

“_____, you are restless.” Luke said, his voice soft and nurturing.

“Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I guess.” You replied, rubbing your hand against the back of your neck in a feeble attempt to ease the stress that had been building there.

“I may let you out early for our afternoon’s break if--” He started, a fatherly tone drifting in his voice, but you held up a hand to cut him off.

“No, I’m staying. The sith and the empire never gave the old Jedi any breaks. I don’t want to be trained to expect them.” You smiled. He’d always tried to parent you since his old friend, Windy, had left you in his care before his death.

His face brightened, and he pat your arm firmly. “Be ready to back up those words, then, because now I won’t make it easy.”

You laughed, “I’m ready.” And the pair of you started off toward the group. You slipped in among the others and made your way to stand beside Ben, who smiled at you in greeting. You bumped his arm with your shoulder in response before Luke spoke up to start the day.

“I hope you all are ready for some conditioning.”

You, it had seemed, were not. After only twenty minutes of circuit training, you were soaked with sweat and your breath was laboured. Luke had all thirteen of you, as the group had grown since that first day, dropping to the floor to perform multiple sets of push ups before using the branches above your heads to perform multiple sets of pull ups. Next had been the running, and oh man, had that just been a blast. Luke just had a thing about running, having continuously commanded four miles in an hour in the past, now asking for it in forty-five minutes. You decided to train next to Ben, both of you taking your minds off of the work itself by focusing on doing better than the other. Let’s just say he had the strength of arms, and you had the strength of legs.

“Conditioning” had taken up the morning, and by the time Luke dismissed you all to nap and eat until the next session started late in the afternoon, it was a miracle that any of the group was able to get up and walk away. You, however, stayed laying on your back in the soft grass. 

“Hey, _____!” You heard Ben’s voice and his footsteps coming closer, and you closed your eyes, trying to look asleep. He laughed when he finally reached you. “Oh my, what ever will I do? My best friend is dying in the grass! What ever will I tell Master Luke?”

“You can tell him that I’m dying here and won’t be able to make it to the next lesson.” You muttered, a smile growing on your lips while your eyes remained closed.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be a baby.” He cooed, bending down and pulling you over his shoulder.

You squealed in shock, and fought fruitlessly against his much stronger frame while he carried you away to the townhouses that you and the other students called home. It wasn’t a far walk, and you’d eventually gone limp in his grasp, slightly allowing yourself to enjoy not having to walk and the fact that from where you were slung over his shoulder, you could see every rippling muscle under the skin of his back as he moved.

* * *

 

That day was the mid-year assessment. Everyone was nervous and on their toes. The day would consist of mental and physical tests that were designed to push you to the limit. You’d woken up at eight in the morning, given that you’d fallen asleep at midnight due to nerves, to give yourself a good amount of rest. Determined to do your absolute best in your exams, you ate the breakfast you usually neglected and made your way to the courtyard early. Apparently, you weren’t the only one.

Tethe’Alla was on the paved path that surrounded the perimeter of the lightly wooded area, and you ran up to join her when you caught sight of her. Her bright red hair was slicked back to the top of her head where a perfect circle bun formed, and she wore her usual tight gray clothes along with a paler scarf that draped around her neck.

She smiled softly at your arrival, as if she was too focused on something else to truly acknowledge your presence. 

“Hey, you alright?” You asked, nudging her with your shoulder as you walked.

She looked back to the ground and hummed. “No.” Teth finally said, not looking back to you.

She had never done too well with the ways of the Jedi. In class, she was always defeated when paired to spar, and she could never hold a strong resolve. You feared, as well, that Luke would not pass her with the majority of the class, but you didn’t let it show on your face.

“You’ll do great.” You lied, but you knew the words would encourage her to focus on doing her best rather than the possibility of failure.

“Thanks.” She said, a little more confidence in her voice.

You would miss sharing sessions with her.

“_____, Teth!” You heard the familiar ring of Ben’s voice, and stopped in your tracks to look back at him. Your breath caught in your throat at the sight of him. His hair was curlier than usual, and a little messier around the edges. He was also wearing a tight black long-sleeve shirt, dark gray pants, and black combat boots with the laces tied in such a chaotic manner that it made you wonder if he’d be able to get them off.

“Hey.” You said, looking away for only a moment as to hide your blush as he approached you and your friend. “Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be--”

“Good morning, padawans.” The three of you turned in surprise to see Luke, and immediately bowed in greeting.

“Good morning.” You all managed to say in unison.

“Come, it’s time for the assessments to begin.” Well, that’d been quick.

You were biting your lips by the time Luke led you to the main group. The original seven had grown into a whopping twenty-six, and the courtyard’s main clearing was bustling. Master Skywalker had also managed to uncover a total of three other Jedis among the systems of the galaxy to assist him in restoring the Order, and they were also there, waiting for your arrival. The other students were loud, excited and scared to begin their testing. No one knew how this would go because they were all the first.

“Silence, all. Silence.” Master Sitra called, effectively quieting everyone in the clearing. “Master Skywalker, Rolk, Proko, and I will be conducting your assessments. The first test will be three rounds of sparring matches with your classmates. Master Rolk, will you call out the first pairs?”

You waited quietly for your name to be called. These pairings, you knew, were decided with great care by the Jedi masters to ensure that they got the information they needed. Would they put you up against someone with experience, thinking you were strong enough to take them? Or would they put you with someone who was weak, thinking that’s all you could handle? You scowled. Luke would never let that happen. He knew what you were capable of.

Ben was also experiencing this inner turmoil. He had worked so hard, day and night, to impress Master Luke. He was family, and that made it more imperative to make a statement. But what if they paired him with you? Could he really put aside his feelings for you to come out victorious-- and why was he acknowledging now of all times that he really  _ did  _ have romantic feelings for you?

“Ben and Zenairo.” Your head shot up and you looked to Ben, searching his face for emotion. Every single person in the Jedi program knew him and Zenairo didn’t get along, and that they were both some of the strongest padawans.

“Ben, you’ll do fine--” You started, trying to soothe him before your name was called and he was ushered away.

“_____ and Tethe’Alla.” Shit. They were making the tests  _ extremely  _ difficult, apparently.

* * *

 

Thank God it had been Luke to grade this part of your exam. He had guided you and Teth to a more secluded alley in between the lesson buildings, like Master Proko had done for Ben and Zenairo. The sun was growing weakly in the sky, not yet high enough to shine over the walls, throwing bright shadows across the white brick walls.

“Now, young padawans, here are your sabers.” Luke said with authority, handing each of you a long shaft of wood. You weren't able to stop yourself from looking up to Tethe’Alla, who was already sweating from her anxiety. You were one of the best in your class, and she was one of the worst. What was the point in making you spar against her for an assessment? “Your every move will be graded, so do your best. You may use your sabers, and that is all. I know some of you,” Your eyes met with Luke’s. “have stronger sensitivity to the force, but you may not call for its aide.”

You nodded, glancing back to Teth while Luke fiddled with the holographic papers on his pad, mouthing to her. “ _ I’m sorry. _ ”

She nodded her head and motioned back. “ _ Do your best, _____. I mean it. _ ”

You bit your bottom lip, your chest swelling with pride for your friend. She may not have been strong of body, but she was strong of heart. She wanted you to succeed, even if it meant she may not do well.

“Begin.” Luke said, stepping back to give you room.

You started pacing, taking uneasy steps to the right as Tethe’Alla did the same. The pair of you circled around one another like an elk holding its ground against a wolf. If only Teth was as sturdy as an elk. You lunged, feigning to her right before swinging to the left, slamming your leg behind Teth’s to brace her before pushing her to the ground with a strong arm. She landed softly, thanks to your guidance, but the battle was already over; your false saber positioned perfectly at where her clavicle met her sternum.

You furrowed your eyebrows and rose from her quickly, holding out a hand to help her up. It had all ended so quickly. You’d decided your best friend’s fate as a Jedi in nearly thirty seconds. You felt sick, almost cruel. When she was standing, Luke approached.

“You did well, _____.” He started, giving you a warm smile that was full of pride. He’d been the one to teach you that trick. “Tethe’Alla, you need some improvement, but you boldly held your ground. I wish both of you good luck with the rest of your examinations. You may go into the courtyard and wait for further instruction.” Teth smiled at you, realising you weren’t going to follow her, and left.

“May I go see Ben?” You asked Luke, a hopeful expression on your face. Worrying about your friend wouldn't help you through the rest of the day, and you knew how Ben could get around someone like Zenairo. You’d seen many of his tantrums throughout the years, and they only seemed to be getting worse.

Master Skywalker was quiet for many moments, eyeing you, his mind in a turbulent wave of decisions that were unseen to you. “Come with me.” He said finally, quickly walking from the veranda you'd fought in and toward another alley not too far away.

You could hear grunts and crashes of wood against wood before you even crossed the threshold into the other corridor. Following Luke swiftly under the arched entryway, your eyes widened at the heat of the battle before you. Ben and Zenairo were swinging with full force, each of them taking turns at driving the other to a wall before being overpowered for a split second so the other could gain their footing. Ben’s thick hair was matted to his forehead with sweat, and his features were twisted with concentration and disdain. His eyes were dark, so intangibly dark that you took a step back, almost frightened. Something had taken him over, and it was not something good. It was like a ghost had possessed him from afar, whispering guidance in his ear as he fought. You could tell that you were not the only one to see it, as Luke took to stand beside Master Proko and mumbled something into his ear. 

It was in that moment that Zenairo managed to deceive Ben in his movements, and his false saber swung upward towards toward his opponent’s face. You heard a sickening  _ crack _ and your friend’s shocked cry of pain as he stumbled backwards blindly, a hand caressing his now broken and bleeding nose. Zenairo didn't waste a second, using his feet to take Ben to the ground with savage force, and pressing his wooden sword firmly to the other man’s chest. The battle was over.

“Congratulations, both of you.” Master Proko announced, walking toward them while being followed closely by Skywalker.

Zenairo was grinning from ear to ear, and didn't even bother helping Ben, you stumbled to get to his feet. The other adolescent was obviously seething, his brows were furrowed, and his hands clenched into tight fists.

“Ben...” You said quietly, seeing his eyes through that sweetly dark hair. He was about to blow; you knew him too well to think otherwise.

Proko, however, did not seem to notice. “Zenairo won the round, but you both did extraordin--”

“Extraordinary?” Ben’s voice was strained, a venomous anger leaking from it. “I failed, dammit. I couldn't beat  _ him _ !” He sneered, not even registering the shocked and stern expression that had invited itself onto both Proko and Skywalker’s expressions. “You say that I'm one of the best in my class, but you pair me with this other  _ student _ and expect me to be able to fight with  _ this. _ ” He growled, almost animal-like, and threw the wooden saber to the ground.

“Ben.” Luke said sternly, his face expressing concern and authority simultaneously. 

“No, Luke--”

Proko had had enough of the disrespect. “ _ Master  _ Luke, Ben, do not forget your place.”

Ben held his ground, his eyes shadowed by the shaggy hair that covered his face. He gritted his teeth. This was so  _ unfair.  _ Luke knew that he was better than this, he was  _ sure  _ that Luke would defend him. His uncle, his  _ family _ , he wasn't wrong. What he was doing was  _ right.  _ Zenairo was wrong, all of his opponents were wrong. Anyone who stood in his way was wrong--

“Settle down, Ben.” Luke said again.

“Fuck off,  _ Master.  _ I can do better than this. I  _ deserve  _ better, because I am the best. I will be the best.” He sneered, running over across the pavilion toward a path you could only assume led to the townhouses.

The outbreak had surprised the entire group, except you, of course. You'd seen it coming. But the magnitude in which this tantrum had been executed was beyond what you had imagined.

Without even thinking, you turned on your heels and started after him, only to have a firm voice stop you in your tracks.

“No, _____, let me talk to him.” Luke sighed, reaching you.

“But--”

A warning glance from him quieted you, and you bowed your head obediently. “Yes, Master Luke. I’ll, uh, I’ll go back to the courtyard.”

* * *

 

Ben stormed through the door of his apartment, slamming it shut behind him with a loud snarl erupting from his lips. He fell into a cushion chair beside the far window in the main room, bringing his hands to his face. He had trained  _ so  _ hard. Only to be proved a failure against Zenairo. Dammit, he hated him! He hated Zenairo. He  _ hated him.  _ He hated the blond hair on that bastard’s head, he hated the way he walked like he owned the entire program, like he was a Master Jedi already. He hated him so much. He hated anyone who would want to make him feel like he does now. Useless, weak, and benign. He just wanted to be the best at something for once in his life. He’d been good at things before, but never had he been truly seen as the  _ top,  _ the  _ first,  _ the  _ best _ . Ben just wanted recognition for everything he’d been working so hard for in the last nine years of his existence. Maybe he just wasn’t good enough for anything.

Ben hadn’t even heard Luke come in the door. “Hey.” The man said, making the padawan jump to his feet in surprise and embarrassment. 

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Then listen.” The Jedi master was quiet in his voice, attempting to placate the situation he was walking into. He’d known Ben since he was a baby; he’d been there when he was born. He was very close to the young man, almost as close as he was to you. “I know that the match didn’t go the way you wanted, but you have to think of the positives.”

“What positives?” Ben spat, eyes locked with the intruder in his apartment, pure frustration riddled within his irises.

“You  _ definitely  _ passed with flying colours. Your technique is nearly unmatched--”

Ben slammed his hand on the nearby counter to his left, cutting Luke off. “Nearly. I keep hearing that word.  _ Nearly _ . I don’t want to be ‘nearly’ good, Luke! I want to be good--no, actually, I want to be great.”

“We will get you there--”

“No!” Ben roared, his voice quickly escalating as his continued to speak. “You’ve gotten me nowhere. It’s always been me. I’ve always guided myself. I don’t need you!”

“Ben--”

“Get out.” The young adult growled, low and menacing as if the words had been spoken by an animal.

“Will you please listen to me--”

“I said get out!” Ben snapped, his anger obviously getting the best of him, and Luke decided it would be best to leave. He was only making things worse.

* * *

 

You hadn’t seen Ben for the rest of the day. It was concerning to say the least, especially after a blow-up like that. You’d never seen something that ferocious from him, and you had to admit that scared you. He was jealous, greedy, and afraid. You were smart enough to know where emotions like that led. You, yourself, had feared Ben’s unique attraction to the dark since you had first understood what the dark side was.

After you won your last physical exam, you retreated to the townhouses. You and your opponent, Ratha, a younger girl who was excellent with a saber, had been the last of the day. Everyone else had probably gone to sleep a few hours ago, saying as it was almost one in the morning. Tomorrow was going to be even more difficult, despite having taken down each of your three opponents that day, because tomorrow would be completely mental. Facing your fears and letting go.

You slipped quietly into your apartment, knowing Luke would probably be meditating or something next door. You didn’t feel like being spied on tonight--you had a plan to execute. Technically, padawans under the age of eighteen weren’t allowed to be in the apartment of someone of the opposite sex past eleven in the evening; but that had never stopped Ben from sneaking over. It was just another aspect that contributed to the pair of you being best friends.

You took a half an hour to clean yourself up, taking a shower. You hummed as the water poured onto your hair, trying to forget about all the events of the day. You just wanted a clean slate before you made your way to Ben’s. You didn’t want to remember the dark cloud that seemed to hang eerily over his head.

Your apartment was on the second floor, diagonally three away from Ben’s on the third floor, and across an arc overhanging a veranda and an alley. The mission was kind of exciting. You’d never been inside his apartment before, mostly because he’d never given you the chance, but still. You wondered what kind of magical mysteries hid beyond that window across the complex.

It wasn’t long before you opened the window in your common room and pulled the screen out of the frame before setting it down on the floor to your right. The slits of a two crescent moons were the only lights filtering through the clouds, effectively covering the small village in shadow. There were large ledges in the design of the buildings, and you guided yourself through the window and onto one of the small platforms. You walked smoothly along it, almost three fourths of the way to Ben’s window, before you took a literal leap of faith. You grasped firmly to a brick window pane far above your head, quickly pulling yourself up before jumping a bit higher to the set of ledges on the third level. From there it was easy.

You opened the window, silently thanking Ben that his screen was already taken out, and slid inside effortlessly. Weaving yourself out of the blackout curtains that hung from a pole above your head, you ventured further into what you knew would be his bedroom. The light that shone through from the adjusted cloth behind you lit up the room in silver. It was a disaster. Old wrappers and clothes littered the floor, and the mattress you saw to your left seemed more like a heap of comforters and pillows than an actual bed.

Beneath the mountain of cloth, you saw Ben’s figure. His chest was rising and falling in a slow rhythm, and you stood there watching for several moments. It was rare that you ever saw him this peaceful. He constantly found something to stress over nowadays. You almost didn’t want to disturb him at all, but something in you moved your body closer, sliding yourself warily into the mess of sheets. It was warm and inviting under the blankets, and you almost forgot that it wasn’t your bed until your hands met Ben’s back. He didn’t even stir at your touch.

You smiled faintly, moving closer until you were flush against him, one arm tucked underneath your torso while another rested precariously atop Ben’s side. It was then that the young man shifted, mumbling softly in his sleep, eventually making his way to face you. His eyes were closed, as you had not yet managed to wake him from slumber, but subconsciously, he knew someone--you--were there.

Ben’s own arms weaved themselves sleepily around your waist, tugging lightly to pull you into his chest. You sighed into him, allowing yourself to truly let go in his arms. He was where you felt safe, he was where you felt needed, he was where you felt loved. Ben Solo was not just your best friend, you decided in that moment, but the man you had fallen in love with.


	2. episode ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're a dead man's daughter, raised by Luke Skywalker, now becoming a Jedi. While in Luke's new program to recreate the Jedi Order, you meet a young girl named Tethe'Alla and a boy named Ben Solo. Training is hard, and even painful at times, but you keep pushing until that day where you could be called a Jedi Master. At least, that's what you hope will happen. This life style is not always for the faint of heart.

You had been sleeping, again. Why were you always caught sleeping? And this–this wasn’t your bed…

Your eyes were fogged with sleep, sliding a blurry sheath over your vision as you fluttered your eyelashes open. Black. It was cloth. This was black cloth–on a body. You shifted your head upwards, and you realised quickly that you were still laying on your side, unusually cozy underneath the swath of blankets. Hair covered your face, but still, there was no denying whose eyes met with yours.

“Good morning, beautiful.” Ben mumbled softly, a smile on his face that made you feel like the most welcomed person in the universe, like that singular grin could fuel the light of a star.

“G’morning.” You croaked, the right corner of your mouth snaking its way up into a smirk.

“I almost didn’t want to wake you.” Ben said, his eyebrows raised in slight amusement while his voice betrayed what he was truly thinking.

You stayed there for a few moments, taking in the morning for the pure bliss it gave you, trying desperately to cripple the urgent thought that was rising in the pits of your brain.

“What time is it?” You finally drawled.

“You won’t like it if I tell you.” He answered, a sheepish expression pulling on his features.

“C’mon, now.” You urged.

“Nine–”

Your torso shot upward as if you’d been hit on the head, and you scrambled your hair out of your face with your hands, looking frantically toward your best friend. “In the morning?” You gasped, leaping out of the bed. You tripped on the blanket as you went, which effectively made you fall flat on the floor. You could only mumbled an ‘ow’ as you managed to roll onto your back, cradling yourself.

Ben leapt, much more gracefully than you, out of the bed at your accident and knelt beside you on the floor. His hand rested on your arm, checking if you were alright, and when he knew you were, he fell back with a full-bodied laugh.

“Oh, shut up.” You mewled with an exasperated sigh as you crawled miserably to your feet. “I wonder how many times you’ve fallen out of your bed when I wasn’t here.” You made your way toward the window, pleased to find it open and ready for your departure.

“Too many times to count.” He purred back, still sitting on the floor, surrounded by trash, clothes, and other things.

“You know, you should really clean up your room, Ben. It’s filthy.” You commented with a toothy grin before gliding effortlessly out of the window sill back toward your apartment across the villa.

\------------------------------

You climbed through your open window, nearly taking out your curtains when they caught onto the chain of the necklace around your neck. You thanked any higher power that the chain hadn’t broken and you’d managed to keep the metal rod above the sill from falling. You’d been working on clicking the last latch of the screen back into its place when you heard two signature knocks on your apartment door. You jumped in shock and, on instinct, somersaulted yourself over the arm of your couch, grabbing a book off of the nightstand on the way. You landed perfectly with crossed legs, and opened the novel to page 271.

“Come in!” You called, trying to sound as if whoever was at the door had, in fact, interrupted your reading.

You looked over the rim of the book in front of your face to see Luke Skywalker waltz into your living room like it was his. Typical. “What’s up?” You asked, casually, your facade unbreakable after seventeen years of practice.

Luke chuckled, taking a seat at one of the barstool chairs across the room from you that was attached to the floor. The bar itself doubled as a half-wall for the kitchen adjacent to it, which made the entire area look much more open compared to some of the other apartment structures. “You’re lucky Master Rolk isn’t here, you know how he gets with formality.”

“But I _know_ you. You have to admit, Master Luke, it gets weird sometimes for me to be so respectable around you all the time. You used to take care of me when I was seven years old vomiting over the toilet bowl.”

The older Jedi smiled, looking down at his lap as if vividly remembering that specific occasion. “I suppose.” He said, glancing back to you with shocking blue eyes, for an old man.

“Seriously, though, what’s up? I was reading.” You lifted up the novel as if on cue, hoping internally he wouldn’t ask you which book you grabbed–you did not have the time to look when you did.

“Just coming to check in on you, you’re usually in the courtyard at this time in the morning, even on Saturdays.” He eyed you, and you felt the blood pound in your veins. He was testing you. He knew.

“I decided to stay in today.” You said, your poker face playing its role with impeccable perfection.

“Stay in, like indoors or in your own apartment?” He was prying.

“My apartment.” You retorted without hesitation, holding his gaze firmly with your own.

Luke’s eyes narrowed, like he wanted to push you further and see how long your resolve would hold–but he didn’t. It was clear to him that whatever you were hiding, despite him being perfectly capable of guessing, was important to you. For now, he decided to let you hold your privacy. “Okay.” Was all he said before standing up and heading toward the door. “Enjoy your day, _____.”

“Bye, Luke.” You said, a smile on your face hidden by the book you held in your hands as you heard him exit your apartment.

\------------------------------

“How many stars do you think are in the sky?” Your voice did not carry far, it was just loud enough for Ben to hear above the soft hum of crickets and the breeze.  
“Too many to count.” He murmured back.

The two of you were lying on your backs on the roof of the townhouse complex. It was somewhere between twilight and one in the morning, but you didn’t care. The smell of a distant sea in the air and the sound of your friend’s breathing was enough to make you feel like you were floating in white clouds. You’d near forgotten that the next morning, assessment results would be posted.

It wasn’t long, as you gazed into a black beyond you may not ever get to explore, that you felt a chocolate stare boring into your right cheek. You waited a few moments, not wanting to turn away from the glowing specks above you, fearful they may disappear forever, until you turned languidly to look back at him.

“What?” You said, near silently. There was a buzz in your chest that had invaded uninvited, but you didn’t have the heart to shoo it away.

His lips pursed and his features softened as if he were about to say something heavy and full of emotion, but before he could utter them, his brows furrowed and he changed his mind. He turned back toward the sky and asked, “I want to fly away from here.”

“I could put you on any planet, and you’d want to fly away.”

Then there was silence. It felt like years, but perhaps it had only hours, maybe even minutes. Now, though, it was you who was staring. Your eyes analyzed the contour of his cheekbones, the curve where his jaw met with his chin, the plump pinkness of his lips, the carved rock of his nose, the bridge of his brow, and the hollow where his dark eyes rested. He had not moved as you watched him, merely indulged himself in the hope that maybe you saw something you liked.

“You’re like a bird, Ben.” You whispered, breathy and slow. He turned to you, his brows knitting together with such a slight importance that you nearly smiled. “They’ve caged you because your feathers shine too bright, and they mistake the song you sing for happiness, when indeed you’ve only ever been crying.”

\------------------------------

Your knees were bent, and every muscle in your body was tense for action and sweat was beading on your forehead like tears. All of your senses were alert, and you let your mind venture into the force to aid you. The forest was dark, the night air cool against your shining skin, enticing you to shiver, despite the adrenaline running hot in your veins. The grass bent silently beneath your feet as you stalked from tree to tree, crouched beneath eye level as you surveyed your surroundings. This was dangerous and you could not be beat. This was war.

“TEAM _SITH HAPPENS_ , ATTACK!”

Your head snapped around to look behind you at your now frightened teammates. They all glanced quickly to you, awaiting your command, but you didn’t have time to give them orders before the other group was on top of you. You had to lunge to get out of the way of a savagely long stick that was aimed at your chest. Your eyes darted to find cover, you had to collect your bearings. Upon seeing it, you rushed behind a large tree trunk, revealing Tethe’Alla struggling against an attacker.

You leapt forward without hesitation, and with a flourish of your own branch, managed to knock your new opponent’s weapon from his grasp. When he turned to face you, your expression hardened, realising it was Zenairo. Almost immediately, your merciful demeanour vanished and you swung out with your free arm, to his surprise, and knocked him to the ground.

You took the moment to grab Teth’s arm and drag her away from the clearing, only to run straight into the captain of the opposing team. You used your body to spin your friend away and into safety,. You turned back and managed a quick flourish of your stick to mentally prepare yourself for the match ahead. Both you and your new opponent had a brightly coloured flag tied around your waistband, the prizes of the escapade.

“Ben.” You ventured, a light smirk emerging on your face.

He smiled right back. “_____.”

And with that, you lunged, swinging your false saber up and over your head to come crashing down in his direction. His eyes widened in surprise as he barely lifted his own stick to block your blow, before swinging around you. His hands moved fast, and he made it his turn to attack, aiming to the left, then to the right, then back to the left. All you could do was dodge as he forced you to back up toward the edge of the clearing. You would’ve been easily defeated as your back pressed against a tree trunk if not for a quick duck and a swing of your leg, which collided with Ben’s ankles. He fell with a hard smack on the ground, and you rose, thinking the battle was over.

Surprisingly, your eyes met with those of all the other padawans, who had stopped battling and now watched intently at the sparring between you and Ben. You both were some of the best in the program. Even Luke was there now, in their midst.

You began to walk away, letting one of the most important tips Luke had taught you slip your mind, before a leg twisted in between yours and a firm hand brought you to the ground.

“Never turn your back on your enemy.” Ben cooed, crouching beside side while holding you in place with his right hand, his left holding his wooden sword to your neck.

You scoffed, a knowing grin on your face as you struggled to get up from beneath him, however, Ben held you there. Usually, by now, Luke would’ve called the match, naming the victor. But you saw your master, out of the corner of your vision, watching with interest. Something was different. He was encouraging you silently, blue eyes narrowing as they locked with yours.

You turned back to your opponent, a solemn gaze locking with Ben’s, and you saw a flicker of confusion in his deep brown eyes. Were you really going to try this? The force was something you’d, embarrassingly, attempted before and not succeeded in. But you supposed that now was better than never.

Every muscle in your body relaxed, as if you were floating on air. You couldn’t feel anything, you pushed yourself to feel nothing. Not even him. Inches away from your face, and yet, you managed to flush your mind of thought in that moment. All that was rushing through you was feeling. Raw energy of your emotions, unfiltered and explicit. And then all you could see was him. His hair, his face, his hand holding you down to the grass, and his imaginary weapon poised to end a would-be battle.

Your mind wandered into a world that was ghostly unfamiliar to you. A world you had yet to experience in depth, but one you were willing to explore for the first time in that moment. Your body felt unnatural in a dimension of spiritual matter and power, like you were within a material flesh that was not your own. You felt like an invader, at first, until _something_ slowly shifted. You felt lost in a sea, like you were drowning and it was out of your control. You felt the grip of Ben’s right hand on your shoulder tighten like it was thousands of miles away, and you felt his breath quicken on your face like a flake of dust crawling on your skin. Your jaw clenched as you tried to harness this invisible power, this _force–_

And then there was total equanimity. A rush of intangible and rich feeling poured through your skin, and down to the tips of your fingers. You nearly lost control, again, for a moment before recapturing your composure and your purpose. The fluidity of your movement and the sure expression painted dry upon your features never left as Ben’s grip tightened on the stick, fighting the force that had claimed power over him as his arm and saber moved rigidly away from you. Even your classmates fell silent as Ben’s weight lifted from you, his body pushed gently to the ground beside you as he realised what was happening and stopped fighting it.

Your eyes never left one another, and you were unsure what emotions you saw flying through those chocolate irises, so many of them at once. Your mind was so blocked as you tried so hard to keep the force flowing within your skin, that not even joy at your accomplishment had been able to filter through the bond in your mind and body.

You pulled yourself effortlessly from the ground, and stood strong above your friend. Your fingers were tense, twitching ever so slightly as they were directed toward Ben, holding him against the ground with ease.

“_____.”

You heard Luke’s voice and your concentration fell immediately, dropping Ben from the control of the force as your head snapped in your master’s direction.

You didn’t have to words to explain what had just happened. You’d never attempted to manipulate the force before, and yet, you’d done so near effortlessly just now. You had no explanation as to how. No one else in your class but Ben had ever shown such ability.

“Luke,” You dipped your head, cheeks suddenly flushing red with embarrassment and fear. What if he was upset? “I’m sorry, I did not mean to do that. It just happ–”

You stopped your speech when Luke lifted his metallic hand, his expression was flat and unreadable. “Come with me, now.” You felt your body run cold. “Everyone else go back to your apartments and go to sleep.”

\------------------------------

The moment you stepped into your apartment and the mechanic door closed, Luke started to speak.

“_____, do you feel different at all?” His blue eyes were searching yours, filled with worry.

“No, Luke, what’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” Were you going to get punished for using the force? You thought that’s what he wanted you to do, you had nothing else to do.

“No,” He shook his head and smiled weakly. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then what has got you so riled up, I have never in my entire life seen you like this before!”

Luke pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers before letting his hand wipe down his face and fall at his side. “Do you remember that book you’d been _reading_ the other morning?” He asked, emphasising that you may or may not have actually been doing so.

Your mind revisited that moment, a quick image of ‘page 271’ flashing through your thoughts. You’d never been able to get a glimpse at the cover.

“Yeah, totally,” You purred. “What about it?”

You swore Luke rolled his eyes. “It was a book about–” He paused a moment, watching you, studying you, and you realised it then. Whatever it was, he wasn’t going to tell you why the book mattered so much to what had happened outside that night. You knew this expression too well, hell, you knew Luke Skywalker too well. No matter how much you pried, you weren’t going to get a thing out of him.

\------------------------------

The courtyard was a mob, students rushing around between seven papers pinned on seven different trees. You, too, were apart of the crowd, searching for your name and Ben’s among the lists. An uneasy worry and anxiety filled every cell in your body, like a disease that you weren’t actually infected with. You weren’t concerned about the way your score turned out, you knew you’d done well at heart, so why did you feel so unsettled?

You’d scanned through three entire sheets before finding your name.

______ Starkiller : Classification 1A *Squadron Captain*_

You couldn’t contain your excitement, you squealed out loud and jumped about in place. You couldn’t bring yourself to look away from your own placement until a tap on your shoulder brought you to face Ben. The moment your eyes met, the worry and anxiety, and now absolute frustration, returned to the back of your mind, as if it were fueled by him.

“What’s the matter?” You asked, your head tilting instinctively to the side in ignorant innocence.

He recited, looking down at the grass, “Ben Solo, Classification 2A, Squadron Lieutenant.”

You smiled, trying to ignore the the foreign anger growing in the darkest pit of your heart, and patted his arm. “Hey, that’s awesome! You’re not in Class 2D or anything.”

His eyebrows furrowed, creating little creases across his forehead. “I should’ve been your lieutenant, not Ratha’s.” He muttered coldly. Stars, you could feel the wrath coming off of him in heated waves.

You pulled his hand from his side and wove your fingers in between his. “You’re skilled enough to have been the 1A captain, and don’t dare think that you’re not. You just had a bad day on assessments. You’ll get better, I know it.”

\------------------------------

Later that afternoon, however, things might have proved differently. Master Rolk and Master Luke were putting together the evenings’ sparring partners, and it seemed as if Rolk still had a grudge from assessments.

“Ben and Zenairo.”

Stars, again? You glanced up toward you friend beside you, who’d already begun to appear seething mad. Even you’d begun to feel a boil in your belly toward Master Rolk. Why did he have to do this to Ben? He must know it made him upset… _hateful._

“Ben, you’ll do fine. Please, don’t get upset during the fight. What happens, happens. Okay?” You tried to placate him, despite the fact that you, too, wanted to punch a hole through the Jedi’s face.

He shook his head in disbelief and stormed off toward the courtyard where he knew they’d be assigned. So many different thoughts buzzed through his head like bees. Anger, frustration, confusion. It was like a black cloud had descended upon him the moment Rolk had matched his name with Zenairo’s.

 _‘Hmmmm…’_ Ben heard a hum in his head, as if it had drifted to him on the wind. He’d heard it before, he’d heard this… sound before. He heard it more often since the assessments. Cooing and purring at him when he felt dizzy from his emotions.

 _‘K-k-k…’_ It always seemed to want to make words form, but never did. When he’d first heard the whispers licking at the concave of his ear, he’d been afraid. He’d stormed right past your apartment and to Luke’s door, so close to knocking, to proclaiming that something was trying to invade his thoughts–to invade the light that surrounded him. But he didn’t. He never did, and this hum had become an acquaintance to him. _‘K-k-k…Hmmm…’_

Something else was there too, something that threatened and challenged the _hum_ in his head. It was something pure, and happy, and so, so, bright. He felt it to every fiber in his bones, he yearned so longingly for it, wanted to hold it so dear to his heart and never let go–and there you were.

Across the courtyard, several feet away and standing beside Master Luke, was you. Eyes shimmering in hope for Ben’s victory, so desperate that he would stay with you, away from… the _hum_ , because now you could feel it too. It was like a tangible demon that threatened him, that surrounded him and snarled viciously at anything else that would try to hold dominion in this boy’s mind. But it was no longer a hum as he looked away from you and locked chocolate brown eyes to emerald green.

 _‘K-k-k…’_ It was a voice. _‘Kill him.’_

It started before either Rolk or Luke could announce it. The two boys fired off at one another at an alarmingly savage rate. The false sabers they’d been given rung with the sheer power of every blow they delivered to one another. Ben was tall and big, yes, but Zenairo was taller and bigger. Your friend was easily overpowered in a competition of might, while his opponent would fail if he used his skills with his wooden sword alone.

“Come on Ben…” You whispered quietly, encouragingly.

Ben began to push his attacker backwards, swinging with all of the brute strength and all of the tactical ability he had. You almost thought he was about to win, soon to corner Zenairo against a tree when the other boy spun away and landed a hard swing against Ben’s back. It pummeled him to the ground with a hard _thud._

Your hands flew to cover your mouth and your eyes squeezed shut. A breathless hiss escaped you as a sharp and throbbing pain formed right across your shoulder blades and upper back. What the hell? You weren’t the one fighting.

It should have been over, but before the words could escape Luke’s mouth, Ben was on his feet with his free arm outstretched. His eyes were narrowed and near glowing with the hate that was surrounding all of them like a sea. The force buzzed through the courtyard, like a warning to turn and run away.

It took you several moments after Rolk and Luke had stopped it that you realised what just had happened. It replayed over and over in your mind as you stared at Ben, who was panting and sobbing on the ground, pinned there by Luke’s manipulation of the force. You’d never seen your adoptive guardian do such a thing before.

But what Ben had did was far, far worse. Zenairo was sputtering on the ground beside Rolk, gasping for air after having his throat clenched upon and near crushed by an invisible foe. You could barely breathe, and it was in that moment that you felt your own wet and oily tears against your cheeks.

Minutes had passed with all of you unmoving, until Luke had decided it was safe to release Ben. The moment he was free, he was on his feet and sprinting across the courtyard in the direction of the townhouses.

After he left, you followed quickly after, surprised to see that this time Luke was going to allow you to placate Ben instead of himself.

\------------------------------

Ben just kept running, all he could hear, all he could see was shrouded in hate. He just wanted to lay down and scream until his lungs shriveled and fell off within his chest. That damned voice, hum, whatever the hell it was! It wouldn’t go away. It was laughing, praising, encouraging that foul act he just committed. He almost killed someone, stars, he almost _killed_ someone!

“Ben Solo, you stop right now!” It was the first time your voice had penetrated his thoughts, despite the fact you’d been yelling at him the entire way to the front door of his apartment.

“_____.” He mumbled, eyes puffy and red from crying.

Your back ached and your head was spinning. It was like you had to decipher between two completely different sets of emotions and it made you want to scream and vomit simultaneously.

“Why Ben? Why did you do it?” You pleaded, fresh tears streaming down your face. “Why are you driving yourself away?”

“I…” He stuttered, he hated seeing you cry. “I don’t know. I was so angry.” He softly spit out the words as if they had physically wounded him.

“You’re leading yourself down a path that I cannot follow–”

“I’m not going into the Dark, _____, I-I’m not. I can’t.” Ben breathed out. It was hard to speak, like there was a heavy mucus coating his vocal cords.

You took the steps that were separating the pair of you, forcing yourself to look fiercely into deep brown eyes which were only inches away from your own. “I can’t lose you. You’re my bestfriend.”

“You won’t. I just need to talk to Luke about what’s happening, hell, I need to talk to my father and–” He was rambling, trying to distract himself and explain himself, but you weren’t going to hear any of it.

It took barely a second to tangle the fingers of your right hand into the long dark hair at the nape of his neck and pull his lips down to yours. He was warm against you, making you want to melt into his touch. Ben was confused at first, unsure how to respond, but as his emotions bled away into plain contentment, so did yours. He wrapped both arms around your waist, pulling you flush against him as he kissed you back hungrily. He never wanted to stop, he just wanted to fade away into a vast nothingness with you in that moment.

But he knew he couldn’t, and so did you. You pulled away first, taking a shallow breath upon release, unable to meet his gaze that was searching so helplessly for yours.

“Get some sleep.” You murmured finally, before detaching yourself from him and whisking away before he had the time to object.

\------------------------------

You stalked through the villa, making your way quickly to your own apartment. You believed that, after the day’s events, you deserved a good and long nights sleep. Anger, fear, confusion, love, adoration, worry, anxiety, and so many more emotions had returned and were near tearing you apart on the inside.

“_____.” Luke, damn him.

You turned on your heels to stop and face him, he was a couple feet away, arms folded precariously. “What do you want?”

“What happened?”

Something, extremely unlike you, seemed to take over your speech. “Oh, you mean between Ben and I? That’s not of your damned business after pairing him with Zenairo _again_ even when you _knew_ what would happen!” You were near yelling by the end of your sentence, talking animatedly with your hands and now pointing an accusatory finger at Luke.

The man was taken aback by your words, but soon hardened, he was the authoritative figure here. “Listen to me, Ben nearly killed a boy today. He nearly _murdered_ someone, _____, do you understand the weight of this situation? Now, I allowed you to talk to him just now on the justices that it may make the situation easier for everyone. You _will_ tell me what he said, or so help me, _____, I will march up there to his apartment and figure it out myself.”

You wanted to blow up. “No.” Was all you said before turning around and leaving. Luke called after you a few times, but you couldn’t have imagined anything easier than ignoring him.

\------------------------------

It was not even three hours later, midnight.

_Knock, knock, knock_

“I swear to the stars if that’s Luke… Leave!” You yelled, laying on the couch in your common room. The door opened anyway, and he walked in slowly.

“I didn’t go see Ben.”

“I know, I would’ve heard the screaming from across the villa if you had.” You retorted.

“You feel what he feels, don’t you?” He pondered, not taking the seat at the barstool like he usual does.

You shrugged, looking away. “It’s called empathy.”

“It’s more than empathy, though, isn’t it?”

You’ve had enough of this bullshit for one day. “No, okay, let’s not talk about this.”

“No, _____, I need to know something.” Luke pushed. He doesn’t usually push.

“What do you need to know? That I have some sort of best-friend-bond kinda thing? Or that he’s the only person on this damned planet that I genuinely want to be around in this moment?” You pulled yourself up off the couch in a challenge, standing toe to toe with Luke at full height. “Or maybe you just wanted me to finally admit to you that I am, indeed, in love with Ben Solo!”

Luke nodded, and conceded from your advance by taking a few steps back. “Yes, that is exactly what I needed to know.”

“You can’t separate us.” You warned.

“I know and I won’t. You’re good for him.” The man assured, watching you carefully as you did the same to him. “But this love for him…” Luke’s demeanor changed, and his voice faltered into a soft hymn. “It may end up hurting you. I promised your father that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

You looked to the floor in shame, why did he always have to drag _him_ into things. “Nothing bad will happen to me. _I_ promise _you_ that.”

\------------------------------

“Ya know, sometimes people just get on my nerves.”

You looked across your rather average sized bedroom to Ben, who was lying haphazardly on the bed a few feet to the left of the mandala hammock you were sprawled across in a careless manner. It had been nearly four weeks since the disaster with Zenairo in the courtyard. Master Rolk had nearly quit the program all together when Luke refused to expel Ben and send him back to Leia. Fortunately, both of them stayed, and training went on as semi-usual. 

Ben still had on the irresistibly skin-tight black tank top he was wearing that morning for lessons, and gray baggy sweatpants that cuffed at his ankles. His dark hair was mussed, covering half of his face as he stared intently at the ceiling fan.

“Why?” You finally asked, turning your head slightly to him.

The taut fabric of the tapestry you were sprawled across and your wild hair obscured your vision of him slightly, but you didn’t want to move just yet as to avoid disrupting the practically serene environment you and Ben had created.

His fingers ghosted over a piece of paper he found on the coffee table beside him, picking it up to fiddle with it. “They’re loud, and they’re disruptive, and they always find ways to stab you in the back.” Ben’s voice trailed off in the end, while he violently threw his minute’s toy to the floor and snapped his head away from you, toward the wall.

 _'Screw serenity'_ , you thought. You lifted yourself up from the hammock, swiping a hand through your hair to clear it from your face as you felt your socked feet brush against the wooden floor. Your brows furrowed, and you made your way toward him. Moving slowly, and with purpose, you crawled onto the side of the bed next to him, thanking yourself silently that you’d put the frame directly on the floor; it made a maneuver like this so much easier.

Ben stiffened when he felt the weight of your hands on the mattress beside him, making you scowled internally and make a move to leave, but a warm hand on your arm stopped you.

“Don’t leave.” He mumbled, face turned back to look at you, his dark eyes full of emotion that you couldn’t even begin to decipher, even when you felt them yourself. And honestly, you didn’t care to decode them in that moment.

You nodded, and climbed easily under the sheets to lay beside him, gently nudging his back toward the wall so that you could wrap your arms around his torso. His whole body emanated a heat that you deeply wanted to fall into and never return from.

“I would never.” You answered, voice barely audible against the deafening silence of the room. “Best friends are forever.”


End file.
